Candy Boy vs. Golden Boy: An Objective Analysis

32 people love action. 33 people have taste. 42 perverts beat them out. Let’s get it on.

Candy Boy

VS.

Golden Boy

Round 1: Number of Episodes

Golden Boy: 6

Candy Boy: 7

Advantage: Candy Boy

Round 2: Lesbian to Non-Lesbian Ratio

Golden Boy: 0

Candy Boy: Infinity

Advantage: Candy Boy

Round 3: Non-pedophilia

Golden Boy: Rejects at least two underage girls

Candy Boy: They’re all underage

Advantage: Golden Boy

Round 4: Notes

Golden Boy: Kintaro’s notebook

Candy Boy: The note on door

Advantage: Draw

Round 5: Relevance of Title

Golden Boy: Describes the main character

Candy Boy: Nothing to do with boys, nothing to do with candy (at least literally)

Advantage: Golden Boy

Round 6: Likelihood of being incorrectly called Slice-of-Life

Golden Boy: Came before Lucky Star, therefore nobody would call it slice-of-life

Candy Boy: Can legitimately be called slice-of-life (“Nonchalant talk of the certain twin sisters in daily life”)

Advantage: Draw

Round 7: Anagrams


Golden Boy: Beyond Log, Nobody Gel, Nobody Leg, Bone Godly, Ebony Gold, Bygone Old, Oblong Dye, Bong Yodel, Bony Lodge, Boy Dongle

Candy Boy: Bandy Coy, Cyan Body

Advantage: Golden Boy

Round 8: Educational Value

Golden Boy: STUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDY

Candy Boy: One girl studies math (useful), the other girl studies art (useless)

Advantage: Golden Boy

Round 9: Recurring Joke

Golden Boy: Toilet snuggling

Candy Boy: Cheek pinching

Advantage: Draw

Round 10: Manliness


Golden Boy: Leaves town forever without telling anyone (the manliest way to leave town)

Candy Boy: Has the girliest AMV songs in the universe (Every time we touch, Needing you, I don’t wanna be in love, 100 years, Slipping away, Don’t go breaking my heart, Good Morning Beautiful, I’m so in love with you)

Advantage: Golden Boy

Winner: Golden Boy (5-2-3)

Tags: ,

69 people love sucking up to me

  1. I was about to complain about Golden Boy winning the anagram category since I firmly believe that it’s the quality of the anagrams that should count.

    Then I saw “Boy Dongle.”

    Will never doubt you again.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Wouldn’t you have read all the anagrams before you got to the part where it says that Golden Boy won? And why would you think that Golden Boy didn’t deserve the win unless you read its anagrams? Nothing about this adds up at all!

      • Cheech says:

        Since golden boy is in yellow letters, it jumps out at the reader’s periphery. So it’s possible (as it happened to me) to know the winner before reading the final anagram. Ergo it’s possible to form an opinion before finishing reading.

  2. g0rth0r says:

    Not to mention Kintarou is the greatest cyclist I’ve ever seen.

  3. I know a 35-y/o Golden Boy, still pedaling around Manila. He got me into anime again in 2003, at first trying to be cool with Cowboy bebop. What he really wanted to show me is Golden Boy.

  4. mefloraine says:

    I think that it’s slightly unfair to compare them on “manliness”. ;P
    And, hmm, if art is useless, my life has lost meaning. Noooooo.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Let me clarify: 9 times out of 10, when I say “manly,” I mean man vs. child rather than man vs. woman. In any case, nothing gender-based stopped the Candy girls from leaving town forever without telling anyone.

      No meaning? When has that ever stopped an artist? Pretending things have meaning is what artists do for a living.

  5. jpmeyer says:

    Next up: Cobra vs. Chu-bra

    (Please?)

  6. Gunstray says:

    Communist and Nazis hates art, Therefore I will continue to piss them.

  7. Doriinatrix says:

    Is there anything that can honestly beat Golden Boy?

  8. kluxorious says:

    i haven’t seen both but now I know which one is a priority

  9. Joe says:

    Yesss Golden Boy is great. Though I would have liked to see a Cross Game/Liar Game analysis.

  10. Candy Boy was quite possibly one of the dullest shows I’ve ever seen.

  11. Loz says:

    Leaving town without telling anyone (the smartest way to leave town after impregnating several women)

  12. Eroshiyda says:

    Golden Boy is priceless. I especially like the last episode. Why is the length of a series indirectly proportional to the amount of awesomeness it contains? Higurashi and Strawberry Panic had what, 24 episodes each? What a bunch of crap.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Blame Rumiko Takahashi for the inverse proportion.

      If you read the Golden Boy manga, you’ll get a better idea of why it was unfortunately cut to only six episodes…see the comments below.

  13. RetroLewp says:

    I must add, the Golden Boy manga is pretty fucked up. Check it out.

  14. Glo says:

    Hahahahaha, an anagram for Golden Boy was Bone Godly.

    I thought that the sisters (older twins) were in college? Certainly that isn’t underage? I mean, Golden Boy would still win the category, due to the younger sister and that other lesbian in Candy Boy, but still…..they were in college, weren’t they? I’ve never even seen Golden Boy, so making a comparison for me is pointless.

    You also mentioned that studying art is useless. As an art major, I must agree. That’s right, agree. Art is easy and dumb. That’s why it’s my major.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Another anagram: Beyond Glo.

      They were in high school says Wikipedia: “the story focuses on the yuri relationship between Kanade and Yukino Sakurai, twin sisters in their second year in a Tokyo high school….” This is why you always have to check ID.

      Even thought art is useless, it’s not the most useless major. Philosophy is even worse. Don’t even get me started on Communications.

      • Glo says:

        Actually you can be a Public Relations dude if you major in communications, and they make a shit load of money if they work for a decent company (and good money even if they don’t….although it’s tough to find a job).

        Beyond Glo has now made me decide to watch this anime. That’s the only reason.

      • Shinmaru says:

        “Don’t even get me started on Communications.”

        I wish I could argue this, but it is pretty much the truth. My degree is useless. At least I have something in common with a cartoon place kicker.

  15. dood says:

    All girls are underage ?!
    I thought they were in colleague ?

  16. Rakuen says:

    Bone Godly. POWER.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Nobody liked Bygone Old?

      • Yoneda says:

        I liked it.

        Am I the only one appalled and fascinated by the choice of cover for the Essential Anime Classics release? Another point about Golden Boy being a master piece is that pretty much every episode starts out making you think that the girls play with Kintarou, but it always ends up being the other way round in the end. But since this is so obvious anyway, I forgive the people who chose that cover in the hope that they thought it was extra-clever on the people who hadn’t watched it yet.

        Also, Lord of the Rings definitely got a weird twist in my mind with Kintarou and Frodo sharing the same voice actor over here.

  17. signorRossi says:

    RetroLewp already said it and I concur: the Golden Boy manga is seriously fucked up. The anime is nice and innocent…

  18. Jacob Martin says:

    My name was NewGeekPhilosopher, and I come to ask you a question: is a man entitled to study art?

    No, says the frat boy on campus, it is too gay.
    No, says the financially minded capitalist, it is too useless to be worth money.
    No, says Baka-Raptor, it is is useless because it is unmanly.

    I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose…

    University Art School (Photography)…

    Anyway, Golden Boy is funny, I’ve never seen Candy Boy but you seem rather biased towards manliness. Maybe you’re not accounting for the target market for Candy Boy. I know actual lesbians who love that show. Fun fact, RL lesbians will take any fictional representation of lesbians they can get from a medium of entertainment.

    I agree that Golden Boy is devoid of pedophilia, but keep in mind Candy Boy is probably meant for shy Japanese male teens and equally shy and culturally alienated Japanese lesbian teens.

  19. I loved Golden Boy,
    The other has lesbians?
    Will watch it later.

  20. OBALLER says:

    ive seen candy boy… but have not seen golden boy… so i dont even know why im commenting however.. i probably would pick golden boy just by looking at the pictures…. after watching candy boy i had to check my balls to see if they were still there, then go out and try to find the manliest anime out there…. to tell you the truth i may have just thrown in a clint eastwood movie

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Watch Golden Boy. It was one of the first 10-20 anime I watched, and it remained my favorite comedy anime until I saw DMC (which isn’t saying much, but still, great show).

      • Yoneda says:

        It was also one of my first, I secretly watched it every week at night when it was on television here nine years ago, which is clearly the best way to get you intrigued with an anime, or anime in general. I still remember going hiking with my parents and all I could think about was the last episode of Golden Boy and my fantasies about what may happen in the next episode, for the whole duration of the trip. When the series ended, I decided to grow up, make lots of money and pay the animators to produce more episodes. Today that doesn’t seem like a good idea anymore, but that way of thinking really helped me cope with the loss back then. It never got a re-run as far as I know, and I couldn’t buy the VHS tapes for obvious reasons.

        Golden Boy was a major factor of starting my love for anime. This pervertedness without sexual explicity (or even implicity for that matter) is what keeps ecchi and fanservice anime interesting to this very day. Probably it is also one of the top three aspects of anime which the Western world, which all too often seperates strictly between Devilish hardcore and Christian innocence, still has some trouble understanding. It’s not just the use of suggestive imagery, the very concept of Kintarou leaving town just before he would “get any” is what kind of keeps the youth-like fascination one has for the other gender alive in him and the viewer. Girls in Kintarou never fully become sex objects, nor equal sex partners, they always have the attractiveness of being unreachable about them. Most of them start off despising him but end up falling for Kintarou, in this moment of weakness Kintarou disappears in order to not disrupt the natural beauty he observed in them. He makes himself unreachable in order to make them unreachable.

        I’m usually not such a philosopher, but this concept is so awesome and so horribly absent in Western media that I suddenly get all manly-romantic mode, like Kintarou does at times. Despite what you said on pseudo-Lesbians and celibate heroes, I generally am of the opinion that sex should be kept off-limits at all times in non-ero anime. It actually enriches the sexual aspect without getting into the way of the non-sexual aspects, like when the pervertedness of characters lead to solid comedy that even little girls with no interest in getting off to anime could enjoy.

        Also, I hate nothing more than the Western method of showing two people go into bed, panning onto the alarm clock, seeing half an hour pass in three seconds, and then panning back to show them lying on their backs smoking cigarettes so that you know they did “it”. Either make hentai or keep sex out of my anime. Just decide.

  21. Janette says:

    Reading this, I want to watch Golden Boy. I never want to watch Candy Boy. The victor was appropriate.

  22. Shance says:

    Currently speechless, because Slice-of-Man won yet again.

    Such is the ideal world of men.

  23. DragoZERO says:

    I LOL’d when I found your site after all of these years.

    I’m reading Golden Boy, little by little. It’s hilarious.

    I’m thinking of watching Candy Boy, not sure if I will or not.

  24. Blowfish says:

    Bone Godly -> Best Anagram Ever!

    Golden Boy was among the first Animes Ive seen when I was “grown up” and knew what I was watching unlike my childhood days were I was watching tons of Anime without knowing.
    There was an awesome time when MTV was showing Lupin the Third and Golden Boy on wednesday evenings.It was a short but glorious Time.

    Without a doubt the Bone Godly award goes to Golden Boy

  25. Yi says:

    “Candy Boy: They’re all underage”
    Shouldn’t this be advantage: Candy Boy?

    Anyway, I call bs. on this. Candy Boy is clearly superior and you chose arbitrary categories to purposefully give Golden Boy the win.
    J/K. This was a funny post. ^ ^

  26. […] This post is a parody of Baka-Raptor’s Objective Analysis posts. In his most recent one, a commenter proposed that a Cobra vs. Chu-Bra one be done, and since Baka-Raptor will never watch […]

  27. FaS says:

    I definitely wanna see both of these shows, just haven’t gotten the…errr, haven’t made time…errr, haven’t felt like it yet lolll. But I think I wouldn’t mind watching them with a hot chick who loved anime as much as I do.

  28. Wolfheinrich says:

    I have watched a countless number of anime porn but I have yet to come across Golden Boy, might have to check it out someday.

  29. Heinsia says:

    you’re jealous ‘coz you cant draw

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