Squid Girl vs. Jellyfish Princess: An Objective Analysis

VS.

Round 1: Japanese Title

Jellyfish Princess: Kuragehime (5 syllables, all one word)

Squid Girl: Shinryaku! Ika Musume (8-9 syllables, three words, questionable punctuation)

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 2: Not Improperly Called Slice-of-Life

Jellyfish Princess: Animesuki 2010 Choice Awards

Squid Girl: Anime News Network

Advantage: Draw

Round 3: Tentacle Rape

Jellyfish Princess: Only date rape

Squid Girl: Tentacles did everything but rape

Advantage: Draw

Round 4: Appeal to Feminists

Squid Girl: A show feminists would rave about if they actually cared about feminism instead of self-satisfaction. The female characters ran their own business. They were subject to comical violence typically reserved for males. They made occasional crude jokes without it feeling gimmicky. The lesbian stalker came off as creepy instead of hot. One of the female characters even went to MIT (girls need to stop studying useless subjects and become engineers). Of course, feminists wouldn’t notice any of this because there’s no “strong” stick-it-to-the-man feminist fanservice character.

Jellyfish Princess: Ugly chicks and crossdressing

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 5: Mini Mascots

Jellyfish Princess: Clara (Tequila!)

Squid Girl: Mini Squid Girl was LAME. The ending was sappy and everything before that was moé crap.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 6: Beauty

Jellyfish Princess: Ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside

Squid Girl: Not a single ugly character until the scientists showed up

Advantage: Squid Girl

Round 7: Soft-Spoken Girl Voiced by Mamiko Noto

Squid Girl: None

Jellyfish Princess: A girl with a fetish for old men. By far the best of the otaku girls.

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 8: Get thee to a Nunnery

Squid Girl: None

Jellyfish Princess: They called their home the Nunnery

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 9: Get thee to a Punnery

Jellyfish Princess: Ore/Olé

Squid Girl: Nonstop squid puns in certain subs to fill in for “de geso,” which is Japanese for “I am still a squid.”

Advantage: Squid Girl

Round 10: Lesbians

Jellyfish Princess: False accusations

Squid Girl: An actual lesbian

Advantage: Squid Girl

Round 11: Opening Sequence

Jellyfish Princess: Several parodies I actually get

Squid Girl: Too many Shinryakus

Advantage: Jellyfish Princess

Round 12: No Objectionable Content

Squid Girl: None, because lesbian zoophilia isn’t objectionable

Jellyfish Princess: Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

Advantage: Squid Girl

Round 13: Crappy Sketches

Squid Girl: Crappy unless drawing with her tentacles

Jellyfish Princess: Crappy unless drawing a Benz

Advantage: Draw

Round 14: The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice

Jellyfish Princess: Not at all

Squid Girl: Sort of

Advantage: Squid Girl

Round 15: Crappy Ending

Jellyfish Princess: Yes

Squid Girl: Yes

Advantage: Draw

Winner: Jellyfish Princess (6-5-4)