True Tears vs. H2O: An Objective Analysis

Round 1: Ghosts

True Tears: No ghosts, just angels (which are even more boring than spirits)

If only The Ghost of Raigomaru rose from hell to strike fear into the hearts of children…

H2O: There’s an awesome ghost, but everyone calls her a spirit. Regardless, she is a ghost.

Advantage: H2O

Round 2: Lesbians

True Tears: Not even one.

H2O: Not enough. In fact, there weren’t any.

Advantage: N/A

Round 3: Comedy

True Tears:


Advantage: H2O

Round 4: Themes of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge

True Tears: Plenty of Hatred and Suffering, not enough Revenge.

H2O: Tons of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge, but they fail as Themes. An utter lack of cohesion kept the themes of H/S/R way below their potential.

Advantage: True Tears

Round 5: Art & Animation

True Tears: Random 3D backgrounds.

H2O: …

Advantage: True Tears

Round 6: Bitch-Slut-Pussy

True Tears: Everything started out perfectly.

Then they had to ruin it all by making the characters two-dimensional.

By the end they’re all three-dimensional. No thank you.

H2O: There’s really only a Bitch and a Pussy. The ghost is slutty but unfortunately not significant enough to be considered THE Slut.

Advantage: True Tears

Round 7: Intro and Ending Themes

True Tears: Good

H2O: Great (look them up yourselves. The last thing this website needs is another broken YouTube link)

Advantage: H2O

Round 8: Metaphors

True Tears: Snow, Tears, Chickens, and Sausages

H2O: Pinwheels and Candy

Advantage: True Tears

Round 9: Slavery

True Tears: I’m not sure what this kid’s role is, but he’s always laboring and never goes to school. I can only assume he’s a slave.

H2O: Serfdom, technically not slavery

Advantage: True Tears

Round 10: Stepping on Twigs

True Tears: None

H2O: Twig-stepping doesn’t get any better than spoiling a juicy confession

Advantage: H2O

Round 11: Shitty songs about cockroaches

True Tears: One, with several variations

H2O: None

Advantage: H2O

Round 12: Picking the right girl

True Tears: Definitely picked the right girl. Hiromi kicks ass:

  1. Great hair
  2. Can do a split
  3. Slutty and violent when the need arises
  4. Too insecure to leave you for another man

Noe, on the other hand, is batshit insane:

  1. Talks to chickens
  2. Promotes chicken cannibalism
  3. Jumps out of trees
  4. Sings shitty songs about cockroaches
  5. Can’t get over her grandmother’s death. Big deal, you have two grandmothers (unless there’s some serious inbreeding in your family, which wouldn’t surprise me at all from your insanity and your brother’s incestual advances)

People only like Noe because they think she’s cute. Here’s proof: would you care about Noe if she were fat and hairy? Didn’t think so.

H2O: Probably picked the right girl, but probably endured several years of abstinence

Advantage: True Tears

Winner: True Tears (6-5-1)

9 Replies to “True Tears vs. H2O: An Objective Analysis”

  1. Now now Baka-Raptor.. The fat and hairy argument is like hitting under the belt. What if Hiromi was fat and hairy and still did a split. Not very arousing now is it?

    At first i Wooed for noe because of her cuteness and clice “Can I love you more?” statements that warmed my heart, but afterwards when I heard that her brother is incestual I started wondering that did he ever “go was noe’s back in the bath” while they were younger? Eww I say.

    You forgot one category! “Pulling Hollywood movies trough the mud” When the brother and hiromi crashed with the bike and it went in flames she was like “why isn’t it exploding even when the fuel is on fire?” and he’s like “This isn’t a hollywood movie, that doest happen in real life”

  2. Dammit Keke, I knew somebody was inevitably going to fire the fat and hairy argument back at Hiromi, but I didn’t expect it to be in the very first comment.

    So, hot shot, if you’re so smart, why don’t you tell me what’s up with that slave kid?

  3. For the sake of being a H2O whore here, using your chart thing…

    H2O: Badass mid-episode transitions (and at the end of the episode too), Self-parody (episode 8), Frequently updated intro/ending visuals (watch the title logo in the OP), Time Travel (LOLOL TIMESKIP).

    True Tears: Nope.

    Also, tears are made of water, ergo without H2O, there would be no True Tears.

    Seriously though, amusing post as always (LOLOL SUCKING UP). I say Hiromi loses, though, because she’ll fall over and cripple herself one day trying to grab her underwear off the clothesline with her feet. Additionally, you can’t make Noe cry, thus ridding her of one of women’s cheapest weapons.

    Being shallow is AWESOME.

  4. He refers Sinichiro as “Young master” = slave.

    I don’t remember hearing his name once, so he must be a random who nobody cares about.

  5. It’s fair to classify her a slut, at least until she realized that she liked Shinichiro (which was when she became a slut-pussy). Carrying his belt around school, jumping all over him (out of trees, but jumping nonetheless), licking his cheek in episode 5…not exactly demure…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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