True Tears vs. H2O: An Objective Analysis
Round 1: Ghosts
True Tears: No ghosts, just angels (which are even more boring than spirits)
If only The Ghost of Raigomaru rose from hell to strike fear into the hearts of children…
H2O: There’s an awesome ghost, but everyone calls her a spirit. Regardless, she is a ghost.
Advantage: H2O
Round 2: Lesbians
True Tears: Not even one.
H2O: Not enough. In fact, there weren’t any.
Advantage: N/A
Round 3: Comedy
True Tears:
H2O:
Advantage: H2O
Round 4: Themes of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge
True Tears: Plenty of Hatred and Suffering, not enough Revenge.
H2O: Tons of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge, but they fail as Themes. An utter lack of cohesion kept the themes of H/S/R way below their potential.
Advantage: True Tears
Round 5: Art & Animation
True Tears: Random 3D backgrounds.
H2O: …
Advantage: True Tears
Round 6: Bitch-Slut-Pussy
True Tears: Everything started out perfectly.
Then they had to ruin it all by making the characters two-dimensional.
By the end they’re all three-dimensional. No thank you.
H2O: There’s really only a Bitch and a Pussy. The ghost is slutty but unfortunately not significant enough to be considered THE Slut.
Advantage: True Tears
Round 7: Intro and Ending Themes
True Tears: Good
H2O: Great (look them up yourselves. The last thing this website needs is another broken YouTube link)
Advantage: H2O
Round 8: Metaphors
True Tears: Snow, Tears, Chickens, and Sausages
H2O: Pinwheels and Candy
Advantage: True Tears
Round 9: Slavery
True Tears: I’m not sure what this kid’s role is, but he’s always laboring and never goes to school. I can only assume he’s a slave.
H2O: Serfdom, technically not slavery
Advantage: True Tears
Round 10: Stepping on Twigs
True Tears: None
H2O: Twig-stepping doesn’t get any better than spoiling a juicy confession
Advantage: H2O
Round 11: Shitty songs about cockroaches
True Tears: One, with several variations
H2O: None
Advantage: H2O
Round 12: Picking the right girl
True Tears: Definitely picked the right girl. Hiromi kicks ass:
- Great hair
- Can do a split
- Slutty and violent when the need arises
- Too insecure to leave you for another man
Noe, on the other hand, is batshit insane:
- Talks to chickens
- Promotes chicken cannibalism
- Jumps out of trees
- Sings shitty songs about cockroaches
- Can’t get over her grandmother’s death. Big deal, you have two grandmothers (unless there’s some serious inbreeding in your family, which wouldn’t surprise me at all from your insanity and your brother’s incestual advances)
People only like Noe because they think she’s cute. Here’s proof: would you care about Noe if she were fat and hairy? Didn’t think so.
H2O: Probably picked the right girl, but probably endured several years of abstinence
Advantage: True Tears
Winner: True Tears (6-5-1)
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Leave a Reply
baka-raptor@baka-raptor.com
April 5th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Now now Baka-Raptor.. The fat and hairy argument is like hitting under the belt. What if Hiromi was fat and hairy and still did a split. Not very arousing now is it?
At first i Wooed for noe because of her cuteness and clice “Can I love you more?” statements that warmed my heart, but afterwards when I heard that her brother is incestual I started wondering that did he ever “go was noe’s back in the bath” while they were younger? Eww I say.
You forgot one category! “Pulling Hollywood movies trough the mud” When the brother and hiromi crashed with the bike and it went in flames she was like “why isn’t it exploding even when the fuel is on fire?” and he’s like “This isn’t a hollywood movie, that doest happen in real life”
April 5th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Dammit Keke, I knew somebody was inevitably going to fire the fat and hairy argument back at Hiromi, but I didn’t expect it to be in the very first comment.
So, hot shot, if you’re so smart, why don’t you tell me what’s up with that slave kid?
April 5th, 2008 at 11:49 am
For the sake of being a H2O whore here, using your chart thing…
H2O: Badass mid-episode transitions (and at the end of the episode too), Self-parody (episode 8), Frequently updated intro/ending visuals (watch the title logo in the OP), Time Travel (LOLOL TIMESKIP).
True Tears: Nope.
Also, tears are made of water, ergo without H2O, there would be no True Tears.
Seriously though, amusing post as always (LOLOL SUCKING UP). I say Hiromi loses, though, because she’ll fall over and cripple herself one day trying to grab her underwear off the clothesline with her feet. Additionally, you can’t make Noe cry, thus ridding her of one of women’s cheapest weapons.
Being shallow is AWESOME.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:50 am
I never noticed the updated logos. If you’re right about this, I may have to hold a rematch…
April 5th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
He refers Sinichiro as “Young master” = slave.
I don’t remember hearing his name once, so he must be a random who nobody cares about.
April 5th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Noe is a slut? I never thought about that…
Yes, I agree that most new anime need more lesbians, just like you said in previous entry.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
It’s fair to classify her a slut, at least until she realized that she liked Shinichiro (which was when she became a slut-pussy). Carrying his belt around school, jumping all over him (out of trees, but jumping nonetheless), licking his cheek in episode 5…not exactly demure…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
April 27th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
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May 1st, 2008 at 12:19 am
[...] Advantage: True Tears [...]