True Tears vs. H2O: An Objective Analysis

Round 1: Ghosts

True Tears: No ghosts, just angels (which are even more boring than spirits)

If only The Ghost of Raigomaru rose from hell to strike fear into the hearts of children…

H2O: There’s an awesome ghost, but everyone calls her a spirit. Regardless, she is a ghost.

Advantage: H2O

Round 2: Lesbians

True Tears: Not even one.

H2O: Not enough. In fact, there weren’t any.

Advantage: N/A

Round 3: Comedy

True Tears:

H2O:

Advantage: H2O

Round 4: Themes of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge

True Tears: Plenty of Hatred and Suffering, not enough Revenge.

H2O: Tons of Hatred, Suffering, and Revenge, but they fail as Themes. An utter lack of cohesion kept the themes of H/S/R way below their potential.

Advantage: True Tears

Round 5: Art & Animation

True Tears: Random 3D backgrounds.

H2O: …

Advantage: True Tears

Round 6: Bitch-Slut-Pussy

True Tears: Everything started out perfectly.

Then they had to ruin it all by making the characters two-dimensional.

By the end they’re all three-dimensional. No thank you.

H2O: There’s really only a Bitch and a Pussy. The ghost is slutty but unfortunately not significant enough to be considered THE Slut.

Advantage: True Tears

Round 7: Intro and Ending Themes

True Tears: Good

H2O: Great (look them up yourselves. The last thing this website needs is another broken YouTube link)

Advantage: H2O

Round 8: Metaphors

True Tears: Snow, Tears, Chickens, and Sausages

H2O: Pinwheels and Candy

Advantage: True Tears

Round 9: Slavery

True Tears: I’m not sure what this kid’s role is, but he’s always laboring and never goes to school. I can only assume he’s a slave.

H2O: Serfdom, technically not slavery

Advantage: True Tears

Round 10: Stepping on Twigs

True Tears: None

H2O: Twig-stepping doesn’t get any better than spoiling a juicy confession

Advantage: H2O

Round 11: Shitty songs about cockroaches

True Tears: One, with several variations

H2O: None

Advantage: H2O

Round 12: Picking the right girl

True Tears: Definitely picked the right girl. Hiromi kicks ass:

  1. Great hair
  2. Can do a split
  3. Slutty and violent when the need arises
  4. Too insecure to leave you for another man

Noe, on the other hand, is batshit insane:

  1. Talks to chickens
  2. Promotes chicken cannibalism
  3. Jumps out of trees
  4. Sings shitty songs about cockroaches
  5. Can’t get over her grandmother’s death. Big deal, you have two grandmothers (unless there’s some serious inbreeding in your family, which wouldn’t surprise me at all from your insanity and your brother’s incestual advances)

People only like Noe because they think she’s cute. Here’s proof: would you care about Noe if she were fat and hairy? Didn’t think so.

H2O: Probably picked the right girl, but probably endured several years of abstinence

Advantage: True Tears

Winner: True Tears (6-5-1)