Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog is the Worst ‘Blog Ever

Hanners hates his blog. Look no further than his banners. Literally, you cannot look further than his banners.

An actual full-size screenshot of Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog on my 1024×600 netbook

Most bloggers prefer to make banners of shows that don’t suck. Hanners boldly shirks convention.

Hanners hates his blog so much that he made a banner out of Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu, a show he rated a 6 out of 10. Just how bad is a 6? Let’s just say he gave a 7 to Madobe Nanami no Windows 7 de PC Jisaku Ouen Commercial!!, which consists entirely of this one minute and six second video:

Pedophilic mannerisms, a pun on Nana…is Madobe Nanami actually Shizue Nana?

I recently went down to Hanners’ ‘hood and cracked into his secret vault. After nimbly dodging all the lasers and crocodiles, I located his top-secret recipe for making ultra-creative anime blog titles.

  1. Convert your online handle to the possessive form
  2. Add “Anime Blog” to the end
  3. Throw in an extra apostrophe to make it a million times more original than Josh’s Anime Blog, Chikorita157’s Anime Blog, Kurogane’s Anime Blog, Moogy’s Anime Blog, Akemi’s Anime Blog, VoodooMage’s Anime Blog, Gio’s Anime Blog, Neko Kyou’s Anime Blog, and Shiroi Hane’s Anime Blog.

I’d expect no less from an authority on titles. Adding in the “Anime ‘Blog” part was pure genius. Not everyone is smart enough to figure out your website is an anime blog. I’m surprised you didn’t go all out and call it “Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog ‘Site on the ‘Net.” Hanners’ creativity is further evidenced by his choo-choo-choose joke. I’d never even dream of making such a brilliant Simpsons reference, let alone masturbatorily setting it up for myself.

Hanners’ Avatar Hanners in Real Life
Age 16 30
Gender Female Male
Occupation Art Student IT Technician
Has Writing Talent An Identity Crisis

If Hanners wanted to lie about his identity, why couldn’t he go with the best character on Hidamari Sketch? Oh yeah, that’s right, Hanners hates his blog.

I thought it was a bit suspicious for one man to express so much self-hatred on his blog, so I did a thorough anagram check to see if his blog was a front for something more insidious:

  • A Harems Ennobling

Harems are quite popular with sexually frustrated anime fans. Nothing suspicious here.

  • Bargain Hen Melons

I’m always on the lookout for inexpensive chicken breasts.

  • Hangnails Boner Me

Still not as sick as mefloraine.

  • Hangman Borne Lies

Hanners lies when he plays Hangman? I demand that this be investigated along with his other cheating allegations!

Did I mention he likes K-ON, the worst anime ever?

On a completely unrelated note, I’ve made it to the Round of 32 in some anime blog circle-jerk popularity contest. I have no idea who I’m up against, but regardless of who it is, I ask only that you look deep inside your soul and vote for the more deserving candidate.