Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog is the Worst ‘Blog Ever

Hanners hates his blog. Look no further than his banners. Literally, you cannot look further than his banners.

An actual full-size screenshot of Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog on my 1024×600 netbook

Most bloggers prefer to make banners of shows that don’t suck. Hanners boldly shirks convention.

Hanners hates his blog so much that he made a banner out of Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu, a show he rated a 6 out of 10. Just how bad is a 6? Let’s just say he gave a 7 to Madobe Nanami no Windows 7 de PC Jisaku Ouen Commercial!!, which consists entirely of this one minute and six second video:

Pedophilic mannerisms, a pun on Nana…is Madobe Nanami actually Shizue Nana?

I recently went down to Hanners’ ‘hood and cracked into his secret vault. After nimbly dodging all the lasers and crocodiles, I located his top-secret recipe for making ultra-creative anime blog titles.

  1. Convert your online handle to the possessive form
  2. Add “Anime Blog” to the end
  3. Throw in an extra apostrophe to make it a million times more original than Josh’s Anime Blog, Chikorita157’s Anime Blog, Kurogane’s Anime Blog, Moogy’s Anime Blog, Akemi’s Anime Blog, VoodooMage’s Anime Blog, Gio’s Anime Blog, Neko Kyou’s Anime Blog, and Shiroi Hane’s Anime Blog.

I’d expect no less from an authority on titles. Adding in the “Anime ‘Blog” part was pure genius. Not everyone is smart enough to figure out your website is an anime blog. I’m surprised you didn’t go all out and call it “Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog ‘Site on the ‘Net.” Hanners’ creativity is further evidenced by his choo-choo-choose joke. I’d never even dream of making such a brilliant Simpsons reference, let alone masturbatorily setting it up for myself.

๐Ÿ™„
Hanners’ Avatar Hanners in Real Life
Age 16 30
Gender Female Male
Occupation Art Student IT Technician
Has Writing Talent An Identity Crisis

If Hanners wanted to lie about his identity, why couldn’t he go with the best character on Hidamari Sketch? Oh yeah, that’s right, Hanners hates his blog.

I thought it was a bit suspicious for one man to express so much self-hatred on his blog, so I did a thorough anagram check to see if his blog was a front for something more insidious:

  • A Harems Ennobling

Harems are quite popular with sexually frustrated anime fans. Nothing suspicious here.

  • Bargain Hen Melons

I’m always on the lookout for inexpensive chicken breasts.

  • Hangnails Boner Me

Still not as sick as mefloraine.

  • Hangman Borne Lies

Hanners lies when he plays Hangman? I demand that this be investigated along with his other cheating allegations!

Did I mention he likes K-ON, the worst anime ever?

On a completely unrelated note, I’ve made it to the Round of 32 in some anime blog circle-jerk popularity contest. I have no idea who I’m up against, but regardless of who it is, I ask only that you look deep inside your soul and vote for the more deserving candidate.

115 people love sucking up to me

  1. I kinda sympathize whoever you are going against. Fighting with a fricking historic omnivore sure isn’t fun. I am quite sure that I will be kicked out of this circle-jerking competition way before I meet you. I swear, if I ever see THAT Anime Blog is the Worst blog ever, I will be in total shame and turn into a mindblogging Impzosaurus.

  2. Guys, you can‘t take someone who still needs the help button on his taskbar to tell him WHICH LANGUAGE HE’S TYPING IN seriously. On a netbook, no less. A NETBOOK. No wonder your eyes are ruined…

    Oh, and Yoshinoya is barely in the top three best characters in Hidamari Sketch. So there.

  3. Worst of all, he beat me. He sent me down an abyss so deep only the worms read my blog now. Good thing otou-san rescued WRL from utter ignonimy while I’m left to selling out by posting at T.H.A.T. Anime Blog (breaks your theory btw) and making parody videos of digiboy on his worst day.

  4. I’M VOTING FOR HANNERS SINCE YOU LEFT ME IN THE DUST

    WAAAHH

    j/k

    Christ, you are so damn funny, B-R. No offense to Hanners, but you’ll probably win with sheer comedy. Hanners is a more serious, kindly person so he has little chance in winning against a dinosaur. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. Avatar has writing Talent. Hanners has identity crisis. Best part ever!
    Good luck in your match, and get an iPad, a large monitor, or something to help your eyes. Netbook is not helping. ^ ^

    • I’m usually working on a 17-inch widescreen laptop in 1440×900 resolution. I only got the netbook for portable use since carrying my monstrosity around caused earthquakes.

        • I’m not even bothering with Smartphones right now. Maybe I will in the future, when I’m rich and the technology advances a little farther. Right now I can’t justify the cost of a data plan. I barely even use my phone for talking. I’ve had it for about 4 years and only have 11 stored numbers, mainly because I hate talking to people and don’t have any friends.

  6. Fucking awesome. Who could not vote for you? I don’t see how it’s possible. Now to check and compare Hanners””’ smack talk.

  7. Voted for you twice already. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Hanners said that you’re the copycat, but when in fact, you started all this “worst anime blog” thing before him, with mefloraine’s post, which btw also was beaten like a chicken in the contest.

    nevertheless, one more filler comment, for one more filler post in some filler season in any filler blog around there ๐Ÿ˜›

  8. I really don’t think anyone can beat B-R in this tourney, unless he’s cheated. That’s how unique his blog is. He may be uncouth, his posts may be filler, but all of them are certain to make us laugh. Among the competitors I see 2D-Teleidoscope competing, but ultimately B-R will win. Who else writes like B-R?

    With that said, don’t forget to visit me even if you’re popular now, man. ;_; ๐Ÿ˜€

    ALSO, WHERE THE HELL IS MY OPAL MEHTA?

    IT WAS DUE FOUR MONTHS AGO.

  9. Hey now, I am seriously thinking about changing the name of my blog lol. I just thought I’d wait until after I get obliterated by Fuzakenna to seriously start the wheels turning in that regard. I know my blog name is horribly unoriginal haha

  10. Honestly, K-On has been the deciding factor for me in all the polls where i dont know either person. So if he was going against someone else I would just notic—— WOAH WOAH WOAH

    HE….. A male…. like K-ON??????? WTF. I would be concerned about pedo activities.

    Anyways this was an easy poll to vote anyways, I’m rooting for you and Glo in the finals. That would be fun. Is it possible? Dunno didn’t check but i think it is.

  11. Voting against a dinosaur is basically saying you’re rooting for the ephemeral and not something that could stand the test of time. Timelessness is the key to credibility and you’ve certainly got it.

    • Immediately, seeing as how it has the best anagrams ever:

      – A Parabola Mobster King
      – A Barbarians Kept Gloom
      – A Panorama Brisket Glob
      – A Pro Lasagna Bomber Kit
      – A Rib Lasagna Poker Tomb

      The list is endless!

  12. He hates his blog + shitty banners + loves K-ON + (used to) have a blog title with “anime blog”
    lol are you talking about me?
    Also, I’m glad someone still using an old version of Windows… and a netbook.

  13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    anyways, I still keep up with the sideburns and the overly-crashed criticisms of yours.

    People hate their blogs because they had nothing to type…HAHAHAHAHAH!

    • They switch between different elemental strengths throughout the course of the battle. Once you memorize their attack patterns and realize that their eye color gives away their current state, they’re pretty easy to deal with.

  14. Netbooks are a horrible web browsing experience… Just use a regular laptop for god sake and big banners make me cry…. especially on a 1024×768 resolution!

    By the way, I voted for you…

  15. I voted for Baka-Raptor, based on Baka-Raptor being Baka-Raptor.

    That’s sorta like Rickie being Rickie. ((and yes, I’m referring to Rickie Weeks and not Ricky Henderson)).

    • Oh, I watched Maison Ikkoku all right. It’s a perfect example of why Rumiko Takahashi is evil. She makes us like the show, and then she throws shit in our faces. Then he makes us like the show again, and then she throws shit in our faces again. It never ends.

  16. Sea slugs time. This match up is going to be epic!

    I adore SS!AB, but then, it won’t be as fun to see you look down at all the crappy blogs (since by definition, all anime blogs except Baka-raptor is crap) out there.

    Dilemmas and decisions.

    Can I get a “Just barely omitted as the Worst Anime Blog” if I vote for you next round?

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